


murphy's law abiding citizen

by whatthehelena



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Black Jackals, Canon Compliant, Gen, MSBY Black Jackals - Freeform, meian shuugo designated PR rep of black jackals, poor long suffering ace/aro sakusa, sakusa centric because i love him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:48:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22765738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatthehelena/pseuds/whatthehelena
Summary: Murphy’s Law:Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.Sakusa quickly learns that joining a team full of wild cards means he’ll be spending the rest of his volleyball career preparing for the worst and hoping for things to go relatively ok.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 137
Kudos: 1276





	murphy's law abiding citizen

Never one for big celebrations, Sakusa is miserably tucked away in a corner of a giant reception hall. 

Every year, the Volleyball League Association board members throw a big fancy dinner and reception where members of the volleyball team can meet with sponsors and other important volleyball bureaucrats that Sakusa can’t be bothered to keep straight. Sakusa is here as a formality because it’s an event meant for just MSBY Black Jackals affiliate folks, which would make his absence as a first year member conspicuous. If he had the option to skip the ceremonies all together, he would’ve.

In fact, he might jus-

“You’re not leaving early,” Komori says, sipping on a Midori sour. 

Sakusa scowls. So much for that plan. 

They all take their seats at round tables with cream colored notecards with their names in an elegant font and grandiose centerpieces. 

Everyone currently sitting at Sakusa and Komori’s table has a reputation that exceeds them. There’s the starting setter of the Black jackals, one of the Miya twins. Not that Sakusa knows which one is actually on his team, given that both twins are riffing off of Bokuto and generally being a nuisance. Next to Komori is Akaashi, who are both discussing current events.

Boring. Wake Sakusa up when there’s a plague. 

The emcee of the event makes an announcement and members of the volleyball board association give their speeches. The whole thing is ostentatious. If these geriatric old geezers want to hear themselves talk and pat themselves on the back, they can do that without involving Sakusa.

But these are the people that sign his paychecks, so he’s sitting here at this entirely too pompous event in his coming-of-age ceremony suit pretending to be a nicer person than he actually is. Though that doesn’t stop Sakusa from mostly zoning out of almost every speech.

It’s not until their coach and captain gives speeches that Sakusa actually pays attention. These are people he’ll have to see everyday, after all. 

“And to my teammates,” Meian says, concluding his speech. “I look forward to playing with you all this season.”

There’s a genuineness and warmth to his smile that Sakusa recognizes but couldn’t possibly replicate as Meian raises his glass toward their tables. 

“Likewise, Captain,” Sakusa mutters, mostly to himself as he raises his flute of tonic water.

He mostly means it.

-

The reporter comes up to him after his first game as a member of MSBY Black Jackals as he’s toweling off sweat.

She sticks a microphone in his face: “Sakusa-kun! Could you tell us why you decided to go pro?”

“So I wouldn’t have to work a real job,” answers Sakusa. 

He’s willing to further elaborate but Meian intervenes far too quickly for him to get a word in edgewise.

-

If the world is built for two, then Sakusa is constantly the odd man out.

It’s not that he doesn’t understand romance, far from it. He understands romance just fine and because he understands all the messiness it entails, he feels no need to participate. Not when everything around him is messy enough as is. 

And yet, as much as he tries his best to avoid romance, other people’s romantic endeavors plague him wherever he goes. For instance, the second Hinata shows up to try out for the Black Jackals, Miya says, out loud, for anyone to hear: “I want him.”

And thus begins the longest courtship Sakusa has ever unwillingly been a part of. 

-

Sakusa passes the Back Jackals’ dorm common room on his way to his room when Miya jumps off of one of the sofas. Not even speedwalking prevents Miya from walking and talking with Sakusa, much to his dismay. 

“Omi-kun! Glad to see you,” Miya begins. 

“Can’t say the same,” Sakusa replies. He doesn’t know what Miya wants but he knows it’s not good.

“Listen, I know you’re busy so I’ll make this quick: let’s trade rooms.” 

Miya’s suggestion is enough make Sakusa stop in his tracks to throw Miya a glare that usually scares off a less determined person. But Miya Atsumu (or is he Osamu? Doesn’t matter; Sakusa doesn’t care) is as determined as he is annoying. 

“No.” 

It would take a minimum bribe of a billion dollars to make Sakusa give up his dorm: for starters, it’s the only single on their floor. It’s also the room the furthest away from the elevator, stairs, and common room which means less noise and also less risk of contamination. Sakusa doesn’t even know where Miya’s room is but the prospect of having a roommate is enough for him to refuse. 

“Please!” and the desperation in Miya’s voice piques Sakusa’s curiosity. Not that it’ll make him give up his room.

Sakusa uses his keycard to unlock his door. “Why do you want to switch rooms?”

“Your room’s the closest to Shoyo-kun’s.” 

With a satisfying amount of force, Sakusa slams his door shut in front of Miya’s face. 

-

With a click of his keyfob, Sakusa locks the doors to his car and carefully picks up his new plant by the base of its pot. 

On the grassy field near their dorm building is Hinata, who’s doing yoga stretches. He waves at Sakusa.

“G’morning Sakusa-san! Whatcha got there?”

“A Tiger’s Tail,” Sakusa says, stopping to talk with his new teammate. 

All the nice aunties at the plant store suggested he get the plant for detoxifying purposes, which he’ll need if he’s going to be cooped up in his shoebox of a dorm room. Apparently it’s a hard plant to kill and doesn’t attract pests. The bright yellow and green of its leaves are also vaguely familiar to him. 

Hinata’s coos over the plant the way people coo over babies. “Ooh, it’s so cute! What’s its name?” 

“I don’t name my plants.”

“PLANTS?” Hinata’s eyes nearly bulge out of his head. “You have more than one? Can I see them?”

“No,” Sakusa says firmly. All his plants are in his room which he absolutely can’t let anyone into, under any circumstances. Not that he has anything to hide. He just finds his teammates unruly.

“Ok! Can I name this one then?” asks Hinata. 

“No,” Sakusa says, much less firm, and steadily losing his conviction. He doesn’t know how many more times he can tell Hnata no when Hinata’s looking up at him like he’s Sakuya-hime herself.

“What about your other plants? Can I name those?”

Sakusa narrows his eyes. “Go back to doing your yoga.” 

“Alright! See you later, Sakusa-san,” smiles Hinata. He waves at Sakusa before going back to doing some complicated looking pose.

Shielding his Tiger’s Tail, Sakusa makes his way up the stairs before Hinata can come up with a name for his plant.

-

“Are you getting along with your new teammates,” asks Komori when they vidcall. No hello, no how are you. Straight to the point.

Sakusa supposes that’s how they’ve been friends for so long.

“The other day Kotaro-kun asked me about my life outside of volleyball and I only told him off after the third question.”

“That’s progress,” laughs Komori. “What about everyone else? Heard Hinata-kun joined your team recently. Don’t think we played him back in high school but he gave our kouhai a run for their money the year after us.”

Involuntarily, Sakusa lets out an annoyed grunt. 

“Oh? Has he gotten under your skin already? Not that that’s very hard.” 

Sakusa scoffs. “They’re all weird.”

“Ok, but so are you,” Komori says almost immediately. “My teammates tell me about Miya-kun and Bokuto-san sometimes and with the addition of Hinata-kun, it sounds like your team runs on nothing but pure chaos.”

Pure chaos is apt. 

“But things are good? You’ve been winning your recent games ever since he joined.”

“As long as I don’t have to go back to school.” Stretching his arms above his head, Sakusa lets out a yawn. 

“So you'd be fine losing to Ushijima-san, as long as you’re not in school anymore?” asks Komori. 

Sakusa’s yawn is cut short. 

“Thought so.” 

-

When Sakusa passes by the common room, it’s absolutely trashed. There are three volleyball magazines littered all over the couches. There’s an empty chip bag outside of the trash can instead of inside of it. At the bottom of the windowsills is a fine layer of dust. Absolutely unacceptable. Sakusa refuses to live in a pigsty. 

A vein throbs in his head when he checks the chore chart and finds out who’s supposed to clean the common room this week. 

“Why, Omi-kun,” Miya says with fake surprise when Sakusa knocks on his door. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“The common room’s a mess.”

“Oh, is it?” asks Miya in a tone that tells Sakusa he already knew that. “Goodness, you better supervise me to make sure I clean it good and proper.”

Miya gives him a sly smile and before Sakusa can say anything, he herds them both over to the common room. 

“Alright so, I changed my mind. I don’t want your room anymore,” Miya says as he wipes down the television. “In fact, I’m starting to think I might not be the only person vying after Shoyo-kun’s affections.”

“Half the league is in love with him. That doesn’t even include non-volleyball players,” answers Sakusa before he can stop himself. He shouldn’t get involved but when it’s so painfully obvious how popular Hinata is, it hurts to _not_ say anything. 

The woes of being the only person among the four of them with any common sense. 

“Huh? What do you mean,” asks Miya, getting increasingly desperate. “I thought my competition was just Tobio-kun.” 

Sakusa counts using his fingers. “The CEO boy genius who has you beat in terms of personality, looks, and money; the tall lanky four-eyes from his old volleyball team, the half-Russian beanpole, the stoic one with no eyebrows, the bowl cut kid, and honestly? There’s some romantic tension with Wakatoshi-kun.”

Steadying himself on the sofas, Miya’s expression is a mix of realization and horror. The empty chip bag is crumpled in his fist. 

“That’s just the people we know about,” Sakusa continues, just to really drive his point home. “Have you noticed every time he checks his phone he scrolls through dozens of notifications and sometimes doesn’t open a single one? Every time we see him he’s with someone new and he’s also never in his dorm. Wonder why?” 

Miya’s frozen in place as he clutches the magazines to his chest. Sakusa can see the mental gymnastics going on in his head and hopes he doesn’t hurt himself from thinking too hard. Not that it’s Sakusa’s problem anyhow.

“Looks like you’re finished cleaning. Later,” Sakusa waves as he walks off to his room, satisfied with the damage he’s caused. 

-

“Omi-kun! Watch this!” Bokuto yells from across the gym. 

Before Sakusa can tell Bokuto to stop calling him that, he turns around to see Hinata run full speed towards Bokuto while Bokuto prepares himself to catch Hinata. 

By what should, in theory, be physically impossible, Hinata launches himself into the air as Bokuto catches him by the waist. They spin like that, with Hinata posing mid-flight and Bokuto holding him and spinning. Somehow they manage to look graceful for two of the most graceless people Sakusa has ever laid eyes on. 

They stick the landing and bow, right before Bokuto loses his balance and Hinata has to support him.

Sakusa stands there with his mouth hanging open for a full ten seconds before he can recollect his thoughts. Before he can stop himself, he lets out a single chuckle. 

They both stare at him with wide eyes.

“What?” asks Sakusa.

“You have a cute laugh,” is all Bokuto says.

They’re still staring at him in disbelief. Hinata is blushing. 

Suddenly self-conscious, Sakusa tells them to go away.

-

Carefully balancing a box full of paints and terracotta pots in one hand and pieces of cardboard in the other, Sakusa makes his way outside the dorm building to find Hinata doing his daily morning yoga.

This time, however, Hinata’s joined by Miya, who calls out to Sakusa. 

Throwing a glance over his shoulder, Sakusa promptly walks in the opposite direction of his teammates. He sets the cardboard down on a picnic table and begins to unload his supplies from the box.

“Hey! Don’t you look at me and then igno- ooh, what’s that?” asks Miya after he chases down Sakusa.

Sakusa holds up a pot and a bottle of spray paint. “I’m sealing and painting these.”

“Can we watch?” Hinata asks.

“No.’

They watch anyway. 

Strangely enough, Hinata and Miya chattering as they watch doesn’t annoy Sakusa as much as he expects it to. Sometimes they pull Sakusa into their conversation by asking questions like “what’s your favorite color?” and “do you think there’s life after death?” and “what kind of music do you listen to?” As his charitable act of the year, sometimes Sakusa entertains them and answers. Sometimes he doesn’t. Just depends on his mood. 

Eventually, Bokuto joins them and then the real party starts. Sakusa considers spray painting inside their poorly ventilated common area with a mask on but decides the multiple homicide charge isn’t worth it. 

A disorderly bunch, all of them. Sakusa threatens to spray paint them all twice and they’re not in the slightest bit phased. In fact, they have the audacity to laugh. 

Sakusa’s threats are usually much more effective. He must be losing his touch. 

-

Sakusa’s usual post-game bus ride routine involves sitting in the window seat of the very first row and putting on a pair of headphones to drown out his teammates and then promptly ignoring said teammates for the duration of the ride. 

Behind him sits Miya and Bokuto, who couldn’t stop talking even if their lives depended on it. 

“Hey, Omi-san?” asks Hinata, who’s swaying slightly and holding onto the seat next to Sakusa to steady himself. “Would it be alright if I sat next to you? I know you prefer to be alone so I won’t talk to you but I-”

To Sakusa’s abject horror, Hinata covers his mouth to stifle a dry heave. 

Never one to give up, Hinata presses on: “I feel really queasy when I don’t see the road on a bus. I just need to sit and then I’ll be-”

Before Hinata can finish his sentence, he dry heaves again and Sakusa all but pulls him into the seat. 

“Focus on not throwing up,” Sakusa says, handing Hinata a mask and some hand sanitizer from his duffle bag. The last thing any of them needs is a biohazard on this godforsaken bus. 

They sit in peace, with Sakusa looking out the window and Hinata relaxing in his seat. About ten minutes pass before Sakusa hears Hinata snoring. Another five minutes pass before he feels Hinata’s head pressing against his arm. 

He can hear Miya whispering from the seat behind him. If one can really call it “whispering,” given how half the bus can still hear him.

“ _Omi-kun! Omi-kun, what the hell!_ ”

“Go away,” Sakusa loudly whispers. He’s sitting as still as possible, as to not disturb Hinata, lest he wake up and start gagging on nothing again. 

“ _Switch with me! Please!_ ”

Still facing forward, Sakusa whispers back: “Shut up, moron! You’ll wake up Hinata.” 

Softly snoring, Hinata puts a hand on Sakusa’s arm and snuggles closer to him. Normally this amount of physical contact would make Sakusa toss the person out the moving bus window but the fear of Hinata waking up and throwing up is much worse than the sensation of Hinata’s head against his arm. Plus Hinata’s personal hygiene routine is meticulous. Sakusa appreciates that kind of care.

All things considered, this isn’t even the worst bus ride he’s ever been on. That would be the one where a plastic bag on the freeway flew in through the window, nearly hit him in the face, and landed on his seat. 

“Hey Omi-kun, why’s Hinata the only one that gets to cuddle you? You don’t even let either of us high five you,” asks Bokuto. Both of them are peering over their seats at Sakusa and Hinata, which Sakusa is certain is a safety hazard.

Next game, Sakusa is either driving himself or taking his own taxi all the way back to the dorms.

-

Sakusa understands heartbreak all too well for someone who’s never been in love.

At the tender age of 8, his next door neighbors adopted a new dog. The damn thing constantly yapped at Sakusa every time he passed by their house but soon enough, it warmed up to him and wagged its tail every time Sakusa came home from school. His neighbors were an elderly couple and they were kind enough to let him take their dog on walks and Sakusa was happy to do so. Despite the fact that it was constantly rolling around in mud, trying to eat bugs, and picking fights with dogs much bigger than it (or Sakusa, for that matter) could handle. 

Sakusa and that little puppy were inseparable. Well, not really, considering it kept trying to pee on the Sakusa family’s lawn.

The next year, his next door neighbors moved away to be closer to their new grandchild and he never saw that dog again. 

“Its name was Coco. Or maybe it was Choco? I can’t remember. Either way, I don’t think I’ll ever experience love again,” says Sakusa from where he’s perched on his bed. 

“You are so full of it,” Komori replies before turning his attention to hanging Sakusa’s new peace lily on the ceiling of Sakusa’s dorm. 

-

On their day off, Sakusa sees Hinata and Kageyama loudly arguing (or maybe that’s just their way of talking?) on the grass near their dorm. 

“Oi,” Sakusa calls and Kageyama and Hinata wave at him like they’re all old chums. “Why’re you fraternizing with the enemy?”

He’s mostly joking but if Kageyama doesn’t spill secrets about the Adlers then he’s not welcome here.

Hinata tilts his head. “Because he and I are friends?...”

“First I’ve heard of it,” Kageyama deadpans.

“Kageyama, you bastard!” shouts Hinata and the two of them immediately get into a tiff. 

Sakusa leaves them be and stalks off to the front of their dorm building. Not that that’s much better, given how Miya blocks the entrance.

“Omi-kun, do you think Shoyo-kun stares into Tobio-kun’s beautiful blue eyes and wishes he were his setter instead?” asks Miya, hand in front of his mouth like an old biddy. “Thank god he still has that awful middle part, otherwise I’d be really worried.”

“You’re horrible.”

Unflinching, Miya glances at Sakusa with a bored expression. “Everyone always calls me horrible but no one ever says I’m a liar.” 

Sakusa doesn’t, and will never, have time for this. He pushes past Miya and briefly considers dead bolting the door. 

-

Somehow, despite all his very best efforts, Sakusa gets dragged out of his dorm room and ends up coming along with his teammates to hang out with Kageyama. 

Akaashi joins them tonight and he’s every bit of an oddball as Sakusa expected from Bokuto’s soulmate. It’s a subtle eccentricity at first, Akaashi comes off as serious enough. But he’ll occasionally say something that sounds straight out of a Franz Kafka novel without a single hint of irony and all Bokuto will do is laugh and say “babe you’re SO funny.”

Weirdos. Sakusa is surrounded by weirdos.

The izakaya they’re in is entirely too small and the table they’re sitting at is even smaller. Trapped in the middle of their table is Sakusa and Miya, if only because everyone knows Sakusa can (and will) leave at the first opportunity. They’re flanked by a couple and a pair of best friends and, unsurprisingly, the best friends are the noiser of the two pairings. 

Kageyama and Hinata are catching up, although their version of catching up involves a lot more hair pulling and name-calling than Sakusa thinks is normal. Not that it’s any of his business.

Sakusa quietly sips on his second glass of soda while watching Miya visibly wither away at the lack of airtime with Hinata. If Bokuto and Akaashi notice, they don’t say anything. Proably too busy being dumb and in love. How annoying. 

Miya puts a hand around Kageyama, who has the misfortune of sitting next to him. “Tobio-kun, Shoyo-kun, please! You’re murdering me here with how much you two sound like squawking crows!” 

Ugh. Sakusa almost gags on his drink at how bad the pun is. 

A smile tugs at the corner of Kageyama’s mouth.

“Don’t encourage him,” Sakusa says flatly.

“That’s not the kind of behavior we want to condone,” says Bokuto as he shakes his head. He leans closer to Akaashi to whisper, “ _did I use condone right?_ ”

If Sakusa were to text Komori right now, could he fake a family emergency? No, better not. That kind of karma’s no good. One day he’ll pretend his grandma’s in the hospital and next he’ll get a call about how granny had a bad fall. He can’t have that on his conscience. 

Sakusa considers throwing a 500 yen bill on the table to cover his tab and making a run for it before Bokuto asks Kageyama about Ushijima's doing, which makes Sakusa stick around.

“Good,” Kageyama answers.

Always a man of few words, big impact. This is gonna be a long night. 

Sakusa orders a plate of croquettes for no one but himself.

-

Every day Sakusa sits in the exact same spot in the cafeteria: the corner seat at the table furthest away from the rest of the team.

Recently, Hinata, Bokuto, and Miya have joined him and Sakusa supposes the reason is that this is some sort of divine punishment for sins made in a past life.

“Hey, is peanut butter vegan?” Bokuto asks one day.

“Depends on the butter used to make it,” answers Miya.

“Cool, thanks!”

Sakusa considers eating lunch in his dorm from now on.

-

The blaring fire alarm wakes Sakusa with a jolt. He grabs his luxury plush robe before rushing out, only to find his teammates huddled around a step stool in the common room. Standing on the stool and currently pushing buttons to no avail, Thomas is diligently trying to stop the beeping while Inunaki provides moral support from below. 

Sakusa glares at Bokuto and Hinata. “I swear to God, if this is another microwavable taquitos incident-” 

“It’s not me this time, I swear!” insists Bokuto. 

The beeping is so loud it makes Bokuto yell louder than he normally does. That’s how dire their situation is. Sakusa considers telling Thomas to rip the battery out all together. They’ll just have to chance it if there’s a fire. Sure they won’t have a working fire alarm but they’ll at least have a peaceful night's rest and that’s really what Sakusa cares about most right now. 

“The fire alarm is malfunctioning,” Thomas calls from above. 

“Well, could you please fix it?”

“Actually, Kiyoomi,” Thomas cuts Sakusa a look. “It’s always been a lifelong dream of mine to fix a smoke alarm at 2 in the morning.”

Sauntering in last, Miya yawns and stretches an arm high above his head. “Why’s everyone yelling?”

“Everyone’s stressed...” Hinata trails off when he sees Miya wearing nothing but a pair of grey sweatpants. 

Miya doesn’t notice because he’s rubbing his eyes and also an idiot, as far as Sakusa’s concerned.

The beeping is so ear-splitting Sakusa fears he’ll hear it in his dreams. Or nightmares. He almost doesn’t remember a time when the fire alarm wasn’t beeping. 

“Mmm, seems like you guys got this taken care of,” Miya yawns again. “I’m going back to bed. Night!” 

“No, you’re not,” yells Bokuto, pulling Miya back by his arm.

Rather than protesting, Miya simply leans his head on Bokuto’s shoulder. Bokuto puts a hand on the small of his back and gives him a few gentle pats on the face. Well, Bokuto’s version of gentle. They’re more like firm smacks but Miya is so out of it he just grunts in protest. 

At some point Inunaki is the only one with enough good sense to look for the spare battery they have in one of the cabinets to replace the old dying battery and the beeping stops. 

Sweet release.

Sakusa sprints back to his room so fast he nearly trips.

-

On the rare occasion when he’s not in his dorm, at practice, or at a game, Sakusa likes to spend his afternoons reading books on top of the building roof. It’s his safe haven away from the pandemonium that is every other space in his life.

Well, safe until he hears the door to the roof open and sees Bokuto on the other side of it.

“Hey, Omi-kun! How’d you get roof access?”

“I should be asking you that question,” Sakusa says, making no effort to hide is disdain.

“Micchan gave me a key.”

Hearing Bokuto call their 65-year-old building super Michiko by a diminutive nickname is jarring, to say the least. Not that Sakusa has any leg to stand on, given that she insists he call her by her first name too. 

“I’m leaving. See you,” Sakusa says, getting up from his spot. 

Bokuto blocks the door. “No, no, no, don’t let me disturb you. I’m not here to talk to you anyway.”

“Then what’re you here to do?”

“I come up here to think!”

“I didn’t know you did that.”

“Come up to the roof?”

“Think.” 

True to his word, Bokuto picks a spot on the roof to sit and stares out at the Tokyo skyline. His back is facing away from Sakusa who is so flabbergasted he can’t even focus on his book. It never occured to Sakusa that Bokuto could sit still and be quiet.

Suddenly, his book on wormless composting is much less interesting. What could possibly be so perplexing it requires Bokuto to dedicate this much mental focus? 

“What’re you thinking about,” Sakusa hears himself ask. 

Bokuto turns around, surprised. “Oh, typical stuff. My younger brother and sister are coming to visit next week and I’m going to tell them Akaashi and I are in a relationship.” 

That surprises Sakusa. “Do you think it’ll go well?”

“Probably. Why, what do you think about when you come up here?” 

“Usually I read. Sometimes I think about my place in the universe.”

“HEY!” Bokuto suddenly shouts. “You just shared something about yourself. Does this mean we’re friends?”

“No. Definitely not.”

The grin on Bokuto’s face suggests otherwise.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Sakusa says, getting up from his spot. 

“We’re friends! You, me, Tsumu-Tsumu, Hi-”

Sakusa bolts through the door before he can hear Bokuto finish the rest of his sentence. 

-

Even with his door shut, Sakusa can hear someone yelling his name and storming down the hallway. If someone’s getting murdered, they picked the wrong person to save them. If someone’s trying to murder _him_ , they’re not being very sneaky about it. 

But out of curiosity, Sakusa opens the door anyway. Just to see what all the commotion is about. 

When Sakusa steps out into the hallway, Hinata crashes into him. 

“Wh-”

“There’s a roach in the bathroom,” Hinata yells, although it sounds more like one word than a sentence. 

The second Sakusa hears roach, he jumps into action. He grabs his emergency behemoth kit: heavy duty rubber gloves, industrial strength insecticide Komori got him as a gift one year, and disinfectant spray.

Sakusa bursts through the bathroom door like a cowboy in an old Spaghetti western, only instead of two pistols he’s armed with two aerosol cans. 

“Where did you see the roach last?”

“Near the first stall.”

Gingerly, Sakusa opens the first stall and doesn’t see anything except a huge blur moving out of the corner of his eyes.

Hinata lets out a blood curdling scream and launches himself into Sakusa’s arms. Before Sakusa can even process what he saw, he drops his sprays and catches Hinata. 

“Hinata, let go-”

“It has wings I can’t do this, this bathroom belongs to the roach now,” Hinata is in full hysterics now and the words spill out like water out of a bucket. “I can’t die yet I’m too young and I told Heitor and Nice I’d visit this summer to meet their new baby and I haven’t even written my will yet-”

Something about watching Hinata’s mind unraveling by the second calms Sakusa immensely. Sakusa can’t afford to lose his composure, not in a life-or-death situation like this. 

“Hinata, I can’t kill the roach if-” 

“It’s MASSIVE it’s gonna eat us both and spit out our bones,” cries Hinata. He grips Sakusa’s shoulders, which, if he were in his right mind, he would never do. But if Sakusa were also in his right mind he wouldn’t be holding Hinata like this either. 

“Omi-san, if you end up surviving, please give my mom the passwords to my bank account they’re written on a post-it note underneath my desk and can you also make sure Natsu gets all my prized possessions tell them I love them-”

Miya wanders in at the worst possible moment. “Hey, uh guys? I really needa pee so if y’all could quiet down a might bit, that’d be real nice, thanks.”

Sakusa all but throws Hinata into Miya’s arms and turns his attention to more pressing matters.

The second biggest challenger of his lifetime stands before him. 

In an instant, the roach turns around to face Sakusa head on. It rears back and launches itself into the air. Sakusa sprays it mid flight and doesn’t stop spraying until its lifeless body falls to the ground. Its shell breaks with an audible crunch and Sakusa concludes that it’s among the worst sounds he’s ever heard. 

Panting, he lowers his sprays. That was quite possibly the most harrowing battle he’s ever faced, including last year’s Kurowashiki. 

But there’s no rest for the wicked, so Sakusa finds paper towels to dispose of the wretched thing. 

Hinata, still in Miya’s arms, stares at him with stars in his eyes.

“Stop staring,” is what he responds after tossing the carcass in the trash receptacle. 

“You’re a hero,” Miya says, still stunned. 

Sakusa’s no hero, just someone that had the right tools at the right time.

His job here is done. He washes his hands and brings his behemoth kit back with him to his dorm room, leaving his teammates at the scene of the crime. 

-

“How on Earth is ‘Samu hotter than me?” Miya Atsumu yells first thing in the morning. “We’re _identical twins_.”

Atsumu gestures between him and his brother, which really doesn’t help his case. Osamu, the twin in question, has come to visit and brought onigiri for the whole team, securing his spot as the more popular Miya twin. He’s watching the scene unfold with a sort of wry amusement reserved only for Atsumu’s displeasure.

“Objectively, his personality is a lot better than yours,” Sakusa says, eating an umeboshi onigiri.

Bokuto nods, and says through a mouth full of ikura and rice: “It’s true! Your sets are awesome but sometimes you can say real nasty stuff!”

“His onigiri makes him husband material,” Inunaki says, already on his second salmon onigiri. “You strike me as the type to use a broom upside down.”

Something in Atsumu snaps and his expression changes from pained to stoic. “I’ve decided to no longer participate in this conversation. If the rest of you will excuse me, I’ll be practicing volleyball. Like a serious athlete.” 

“Anyone know where Hinata’s at?” asks the other Miya twin. “I tried makin’ meat buns and I want his opinion on ‘em.”

Always one to make an entrance, Hinata comes barreling in the gym at full speed. “Good morning!” Hinata raises his hand cheerfully. “Sorry, I ran a little late today. Good to see you, Osamu-san!” 

“Yeah, really good to see you, ‘Samu,” Atsumu interjects with fake cheerfulness. “So glad you could come.” 

“Hey, Hinata, listen to this tweet someone made about Atsumu,” Inunaki says, reading from his phone. “‘Turns out Miya Atsumu has a twin brother...and his brother’s the hot twin.’ Look, they even included a photoset of the two of them.”

Bokuto blows a low whistle. “That’s some damning evidence against you, Tsumu-Tsumu.”

“Awww, that’s not nice,” Hinata frowns. “I think they’re both- uh...”

There is a very tense moment (for the two involved, not so much for everyone else) where Hinata visibly reddens looking at Atsumu and Sakusa wishes to jeer at them both.

Suddenly, Hinata tears his eyes away from Atsumu and forces a smile at Osamu. “Let’s hang out while you’re in the city, Osamu-san! See you!”

Atsumu, who was hanging onto Hinata’s every word at that point, watches Hinata run off and Osamu watches Atsumu and everyone else lazily watches the whole scene unfold as they munch on their onigiri. 

Atsumu turns to his twin, who’s looking at him the way Sakusa looks at vermin. 

“Scrub,” is all Osamu says. 

Before Atsumu can respond, Bokuto slaps a hand on Osamu’s shoulder. “That was delicious Myaa-Sam! Come back any time.”

“Thanks Osamu-kun,” Inunaki nods. “Let us know if you ever want to play, Coach won’t notice if we switch Atsumu out for you.” 

Sakusa waves a hand at Osamu and joins the rest of the team to start their warm-ups. 

-

Sakusa peers into the hallway of their floor. He hears Inunaki and Thomas laughing in their room. The coast is clear. 

With all the haste of a spring chicken, Sakusa darts down the stairs, careful not to spill the gift he so painstakingly prepared, and rushes to his car in the frigid Tokyo night air. 

He reaches his car without seeing anyone and stops for a minute to catch his breath. 

“Thought you could leave without us, huh?” Miya asks, arms crossed. 

“Thought you could sneak off to the Captain’s new house without your teammates huh?” Bokuto asks, arms also crossed. 

“You still can,” Akaashi chimes in, arms uncrossed. “The rest of us are perfectly capable of taking public transportation.” 

Miya holds up a hand. “It’s not about that. It’s that Omi-kun was going to sneak off without telling us. I’m hurt, Omi-kun.” 

“I’m not taking you morons,” glares Sakusa. “Well, you three morons and Akaashi.”

“And why is that?” Miya tilts his head. 

“Because I don’t want to.” 

“We’re taking the train,” announces Akaashi, grabbing both. “Let’s go, Sakusa-kun isn’t a taxi.” 

The three of them follow suit, with Hinata waving and telling Sakusa they’ll see him at the party. 

He watches them walk off and there’s an annoying nagging feeling he can’t ignore. Starting up his car, he buckles in his gift and pulls up to the sidewalk. 

“Get in,” he sighs.

-

They all pile into Sakusa’s tiny hybrid sedan. In the passenger’s seat is Akaashi, the only other person with a license and the only one he trusts to both navigate and hold onto his gift for Meian. Behind Akaashi is Bokuto, the person mostly likely to distract Sakusa while driving and therefore sitting the farthest away from the driver’s seat. In between Bokuto and Miya is Hinata because he’s the shortest of the three and the one that makes Sakusa the least disgusted to look at in the rearview mirror. And behind Sakusa, with the least amount of legroom, is Miya. 

Miraculously, they survive the twenty minute drive from their dorms to Meian and his wife’s new house without incident. Sakusa didn’t even have to threaten to leave them on the sidewalk once. 

The captain welcomes them into their house and only Akaashi and Hinata are prepared for a night of schmoozing with normal people that don’t play volleyball. Inunaki and Thomas join the party later, only to mix and mingle with the late-twentysomethings crowd with ease. Which, Sakusa supposes, makes sense, given that they’re actually in their late twenties and can relate to things like having back-to-back weddings to go to each weekend. 

The other three find themselves in the kitchen, where they formulate their exit plan. 

“There’s far too many people here. I don’t care about any of you or what you do, so have fun. Later losers,” says Sakusa as he grabs a pig-in-a-blanket on his way out.

Miya and Bokuto form a wall in front of him. 

“There is no chance in hell you’re leaving us stranded here,” whispers Miya.

“The subway’s only a ten minute walk here.”

“It’s the principle of the thing,” Miya says, still whispering. “We’re gonna put up a united front and gonna go out there, and pretend like we understand things like the stock market and taxes.”

Bokuto pops a chip in his mouth. “Hinata doesn’t get taxes but he’s still having fun.”

Sure enough, Hinata’s in the middle of a crowd of people none of them have ever seen before, laughing and chatting away like he’s always been there. Next to Hinata is a girl that seems to be especially charmed by him.

Miya’s voice seethes with jealousy. “How does he make friends everywhere he goes?”

Akaashi joins them around the finger foods selection, glass of wine in hand. “You all better not be planning on leaving.”

“Someone asked me what I’ll do when I retire from volleyball,” says Bokuto. “I can’t do this anymore, babe.”

“Two hours. Your captain and his wife graciously invited us over so the least we could do is stay two hours,” Akaashi says, rubbing circles on Bokuto’s back. “And Sakusa-kun hasn’t even given them their gift yet.”

“What did you get them anyway?” asks Miya, peering at the box Sakusa brought.

Gingerly, Sakusa takes his gift out of the box. “A wooden plant holder with three pots I painted myself. The plants are propagated from the ones I’ve been growing.”

“That’s such a good gift,” Miya says, throwing up his hands. “All we did was pitch in for a blender!” 

Meian’s voice booms throughout the kitchen and it makes the four of them jump about one meter in the air. 

“So glad you all could join us!” Meian says, slapping Bokuto and Miya on the shoulders. “Akaashi, always good to see you. What do you have there, Sakusa?”

“A gift for you and your wife. You mentioned she has a green thumb.”

Meian coos over the plants like they’re human babies. Why does everyone do that?

“Thank you so much, they're adorable! What’re their names?”

“This one’s a spider plant,” Sakusa starts to explain. 

“No, I mean, what did _you_ name them?”

Sakusa blinks at their captain before he excuses himself to find the bathroom. Once he leaves the kitchen, Sakusa makes a mad dash for his coat and shoes at the front door before anyone can catch him. 

Slipping his hand in his empty coat pocket, Sakusa hears a familiar jingling behind him. 

“Looking for these?” Miya asks as he twirls Sakusa’s keys around his gloved finger. 

Sakusa stands up straight, ready to fistfight Miya for his keys if it has to come to that. Something about the party has activated his fight or flight response and he will throw hands if he has to.

“Omi-kun. You’re getting real easy to predict,” Miya shakes his head.

“It’s everyone for themselves at this party.” 

“Hey hey hey, what’s going on here?” asks Bokuto, draping himself over Miya. “Were you trying to sneak off again, Omi-kun?”

“Yes.”

“Wait for us!” Bokuto exclaims. Well, everything Bokuto says is an exclamation, but he’s particularly fired up right now. “I have a plan!” 

Bokuto leans in to (loudly) whisper to them both. “It’s too early for us to leave without Akaashi being annoyed but if Tsumu-Tsumu and I make a big show of taking five or six shots and pretend to be drunker than we actually are, Omi-kun can take us home.”

“That’s,” Miya starts to protest but his eyes widen. “That’s brilliant.”

“Why do you only come up with good ideas when you can get out of doing something you don’t want to do?” asks Sakusa. 

“Let’s go!” Bokuto says, completely not taking heed of anything Sakusa just said. He drags Miya along with him.

Sakusa sighs and takes off his shoes and coat. It’s not that he necessarily wants to stay longer, it’s that usually drinking competitions between Bokuto and Miya end up with Bokuto drinking Miya under the table and he would like to get _something_ out of this night.

-

Maybe in his next life Sakusa will be lucky and be reborn as a rhododendron at the top of a mountain, impossible to reach and trample upon. 

Maybe, just maybe he’ll be reborn as a ferret, uninhibited by the troublesome frontal lobe and weirdly flexible. 

Or maybe he’ll be reborn as an oak tree, unbothered by silly things like rigid societal expectations and heteronormativity. 

Anything, he’ll take anything, as long as it’s not a human.

Because in this life, he’s a human named Sakusa Kiyoomi. He grew up in Tokyo with two loving parents and two sets of doting grandparents. Throughout his life, there’s whispers about him being different behind his back by adults and told to his face by kids on the playground. It’s not until he picks up a volleyball does different mean ‘exemplary’ for him. 

Eventually, he was recruited by some prestigious school because he’s good at volleyball and found Komori. And now he’s on a nationally ranked volleyball team because he kept aiming for the top and there was nowhere else to go but here.

All things considered, the view from the top is pretty nice. Things aren’t as horrible as they could be.

But things could also be better. For instance, right now he could be doing something other than driving his rowdy teammates back to their dorm in his tiny hybrid sedan after raiding a late night donut place because they didn’t want to stay at a party full of people far too mature and normal for them. There’s an 80’s pop song playing on the radio and Miya doesn’t know the lyrics but he’s singing loudly and off key anyway (“Atsumu-san, I don’t think the song goes ‘I think it’s plastic love’”) and Bokuto’s making synth songs with his mouth. But that’s how he’s spending this particular Saturday night.

Better luck in the next lifetime, he thinks.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you so much for reading this entirely self-indulgent fic spurred on by my great love for Sakusa Kiyoomi.
> 
> Shout out to Furudate's big huge ginormous brain for putting Hinata, Atsumu, Bokuto, and Sakusa on the same team together. This is his series, we're all just reading it.


End file.
